respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
