Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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