My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
