He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
