I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
