So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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