I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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