this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
