FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
