I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
