Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
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I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize