it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
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L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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