You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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