Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
