the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
