It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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