OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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