I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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