I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
