Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
