So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
