Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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