So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
whose parrot is this?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
