loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
