When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
