What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize