that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
