The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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