Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
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