We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
