I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
