I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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