youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need a beard to bite.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize