weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
