This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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