nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
