I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize