also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
