sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
