Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it was like eating out sand paper
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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