i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
