so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
