Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
