we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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