But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
