Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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