i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
