In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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