I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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