so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
