I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
