Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i think i have two assholes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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