pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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