im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
