i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
