you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Slut skills are useful in every country.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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