i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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