Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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