how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
