According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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