awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
