In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
