When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
