Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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