there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You dont lie about slip and slides
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
