Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
