Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
