I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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