Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
