I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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