Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
