the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
tell me about the fingering
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