i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
