you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
