i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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