Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
