i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
