I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
