Im at strip club and am horny
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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