I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
