Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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