I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
